Party In The U.S.A. – The Trek

Continental breakfast is a hiker’s dream. Except for Fox News blaring on the corner TV. Hikers don’t really like the news. The woods are a chance to escape it. And while the HUGE tariffs just hit or something, and I’m sure they’re really important… I asked the nearby worker for the remote and muted it. Now we had peace to enjoy… infinite waffles! Fruit! Cereal! Eggs and Sausage. And tons of salt and pepper packets to stash away. Hm, maybe that’s not something I should admit. But we all need different seasoning systems…

Then, a trip to Food City. The city of Gatlinburg has a cool public transit system, where they have trolleys that go to stations every 20 minutes or so. The only issue is that the schedules changed in 2025, and aren’t synced with Google Maps. Still, no system is perfect (after all, the MBTA in my homebase of Boston is notorious for being permanently broken), and I love all public transit. We took the blue shuttle out (after watching two and a half other purple shuttles go by), and then started our resupply journey! I wanted to cook some semi real food. Found some cute dried mushrooms, and added white rice and spam to my pack. I also wanted to try a different trail mix than the classic GORP-based one. I’m not sick of the GORP based one, but just wanted to try an oreo and almond based one.

Rounded this out with a ton of bagels, and a ton of snack foods. I found that I just ran out of all snacks of any sort in the Smokies, and maaaayy have overcorrected for this. A lot. My cart ended up heavy! Something I used to do when I lived in the city was to only shop with a basket, so I wouldn’t get too much. I should’ve done the same here, but hiker fog hits different. I knew I messed up carrying my bags back to the Crossroads though… some buckled from the weight!

We got a room in the Motel 6 for our second night in Gatlinburg, due to no longer needing laundry, and it being MUCH cheaper. Took the red line there, checked in, and we were just in time to tune into the NCAAW’s finals! Danielle’s a huge fan, and wanted to see South Carolina win. Funnily enough, even though Michaela’s a UConn alum, she wanted to also see South Carolina win. I’m here for Paige Bueckers though, and while she didn’t put up tons of stats, her gravity helped lead UConn to a dominating win. This was all happening while we decanted our stuff.

Eventually though, I got a bit restless. The other three were gonna take an R&R, but I wanted my Gatlinburg trip to have some activities. So I split off to do my own thing.

Let’s get something out of the way here. The following I’m describing aren’t necessarily normal “hiker” activities. They’re expensive, and a bit indulgent to be honest. But… I’m lucky enough to have become independently wealthy enough to splurge on this hike. And so splurge I will, because an adventure like this is truly once in a lifetime.

First I hit up the mountain coaster. I’d never been on one, but always seen them in the corners of ski resorts, such as Okemo, and just wanted to know what it was about! Got two rides on it. The first was extremely bumpy, and the second was smooth as butter. I wish I grabbed the photos, but even with splurging , I’m not going to pay $16 for a jpeg of me vaulting down the mountain.

Next up was to hit North China Chinese, or as it’s called in AWOL, “No. China Chinese.” Gatlinburg was one of the few towns I scouted out in the book before I set out, and the labeling always confused me. Are there no Chinese people here? It turned out to, thankfully, be run by Chinese people. They were curious as to why I was so hungry, I grabbed a meal, and some soup, and a side, and then some. I spent the meal trying to explain to them what the AT was — I don’t think they get many thru hikers to be honest! And I could help break down the language barrier, even if just a little bit. Funnily enough, I don’t even know the word for hike. But I got the point across.

Took a trip then finally to the mecca of Gatlinburg’s quirkiness — Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! I mean, what else accentuates extreme tacky tourism than this? The problem here was, I’ve just spent three weeks in the woods. Even as someone used to extreme amounts of external stimulus… this was a lot. Too many exhibits, sounds, people, lights, stimuli. It was cool, don’t get me wrong, and I did like the version of a “backpacker” they had. But wow I stepped in and didn’t remember a thing.

Stumbled back to our Motel in the rain and showered. In the end, on my Zero, I took over 25000 steps. Rest and recuperation… might’ve not happened. Still, getting to play tourist for a day honestly made it all worth it.

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