A Letter to my Future Self

Dear Charity,

As you read this letter, you may be thinking, “Should I go home?” Funny thing is, as you are writing this letter, you are questioning whether you should thru-hike at all. Right now, as you read this, you are probably not questioning your abilities, cause girl, we all know you can crush a 20+ mile day without a problem. No, you are probably stuck in your head, struggling with the same questions you were struggling with as you wrote this letter – are you being selfish, are you putting important life things on hold? What’s even more ironic is that you struggled and overcame all of these same worries 4 years ago when you thru-hiked the AT. And you and everything that came after turned out fine, in fact, better than you could have ever imagined. From you to you, me to me, here’s why we should keep going, why we want to thru-hike, and why quitting is not an option.

Am I Being Selfish?

Charity, let’s address our fear of being selfish for having the desire to thru-hike. To appease our logical brain, remember that to call ourself selfish is to call every other thru-hiker selfish for the same reason. And we would never assume that. The definition of selfishness is to be motivated primarily by one’s own gain or pleasure and without consideration for others. So the fact that we are debating selfishness in the first place is answer enough that that is indeed not the case. Of course we want to thru-hike because it’s enjoyable and for some reason we find type 2 fun stimulating, even in the moment sometimes. But that’s not the whole of it. Do you remember why we wanted to thru-hike in the first place? Because we are so ready to throw ourselves into our career and continue to make our home in Arizona.

The excitement to begin that part of life is overwhelming sometimes. However, we decided to take a step back. To ensure that we are planting roots where we know we can grow. To ensure that we are moving into this part of life as the best version of ourself so that the life we continue to build is reflective of who we are and not who we ought to be. To ensure we know that the rhythm of life is often interrupted, but that we can handle change.

We know ourself well enough to know how easy it is to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. So sometimes we move away from that to see the bigger picture, to make sure we are heading in the direction we truly want to go in. You and I, we like to have space to think and reflect, and we are giving ourselves the chance to do that.

Having hobbies that differ from the typical, the norm, the expectation is not inherently selfish. If anything, doing the things we love, the things that fill our cup, is an act of self-love. We do these things to make ourself better, to learn and to grow so that when we interact with the world, we do so with passion and energy and as the person we’ve chosen to be.

The thing is, our self-love just looks different, and that’s okay. 

Am I Putting Life on Hold?

To be frank, yes. But also, no. One thing we promised ourselves when deciding to thru-hike was that we would walk through open doors that lead to the CDT as long as they kept opening up. Don’t forget about all of the things that had to fall into place to make this happen. Life is not on hold for us right now. In fact, it marched us right to the border of Canada and Montana.

I know you are probably worrying about money and a job right now, but who doesn’t?  Though sometimes it is, life is not meant to be dictated by jobs and debt and material things. What purpose does that give us? Wherever we are right now, look out at the beautiful vistas and remember that this is the point. Joy is the point.

Life will continue to move forward; that’s just how time works. We are not getting left behind, we are simply curating the best possible version of the future for ourselves. And the people who are meant to be part of our life will still be there when we return home.

A Final Note

The things you are grappling with today will be gone tomorrow. If you are uncomfortable, it will end. If you are cold, hang in there because I know we hate the cold, but the sun will come out. If you are tired, stop and rest. If you miss Rei and your family, remember that they are cheering you on.

I know for sure we miss sweet baby Rei, so here’s a picture to remind you she’s in good hands:

Never quit on a bad day because you leave the door open to regret. Wait until tomorrow and assess again. If things get better and you still feel like you’re done, then be done. But only decide to finish when you’re ready to finish. You are in control.

This is not just something that makes you happy. It makes you a better person. Remember why you’re doing this. It’s not because it’s easy. But rather because challenge forces growth. It’s not because it’s comfortable but because discomfort encourages humility. It’s not because you can do it alone but because you can’t. Go tear it up on the trail girl. You got this!

Love,

Yourself

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